There they are: the President and Vice President, in the White House for their weekly lunch meeting, posed on opposite ends of a Queen Anne table, two vacant chairs between them (COVID protocol?), noshing on cheeseburgers from “Ghostburger” a relatively new DC eatery. The photo appeared in the Washington Post, under the headline, “From burger to bagels, Biden turns to brands to boost everyman image.”
There’s nothing wrong with a good cheeseburger and I certainly wish the Ghostburger business well. The story indicates sales were up almost 100 percent two weeks after the President’s takeout. May I humbly suggest, however, you’ve not grasped the big picture here, Mr. President… that is, the full implication of your lunch menu as a vehicle to connect with voters. You ARE seeking reelection, right?
The Post story continues, “Few have embraced small-time eateries… as regularly as Biden, a practice central to his political image as an ordinary American, one who grew up in Scranton, Pennsylvania.” I get the “Scranton Joe” thing, but never underestimate the power of the right sandwich.
Which gets me to my big idea: SPAM. As faithful readers may know, the glorious pink loaf courses through my veins. Coupled with a Velveeta slice, a chunk of raw SPAM slapped on a store-bought burger bun was a fishing trip staple from my youth, probably containing sufficient preservatives to keep my corpse looking healthy long after my demise. But I digress. Let’s focus on the SPAM upsides.
First, SPAM elevates the luncheon menu… sliced and fried (my favorite), accompanied by the President’s choice of cheese on a toasted bun, OR ground and mixed with other ingredients, like finely diced hard-boiled eggs, onion, and celery, creating an “open face” spread, resembling midwestern funeral food. Both are outstanding. Second, there’s the “working-class connection” that Democrats fear slipping (slipped?) from their grasp. Hey, what’s better outreach than wolfing down a modest lunchbox staple? Third, shoring up the Hispanic and Asian American vote, both more inclined to buy SPAM than the general population. Fourth, millennials, who according to Hormel’s marketing people, now gravitate to SPAM in surprising numbers.
This is not an effort to boost SPAM sales. I own no stock in the company. The product is doing fine without my suggestions. Apparently, seasonal “figgy pudding SPAM” jumped off the shelves last Christmas, although I didn’t try it. Sixteen different SPAM flavors leave me a bit flat, thinking it’s hard to improve on the classic… which probably says more about me than these products.
Hormel Foods, based in Austin (MN), sixteen miles north of our North Iowa home, is “the family business,” although my relatives never served in management. Dad worked at “the plant” for 44 years and Grandpa Meyer for a comparable period. Other former employees include Uncle Emery, Aunt Carolyn, a cousin, a brother and sister-in-law, both briefly. Dad was a HVAC mechanic his last two decades there, going on strike when he and union colleagues “went out” in the mid-‘80s, returning after 13 months, fearful at age 57, the resources needed for a comfortable retirement might otherwise run dry.
By my reckoning, there are 90 weeks between now and November, 2024. Imagine, ninety presidential lunches! They needn’t all feature SPAM. Again, let’s focus on the visuals: polish sausage on a hoagie bun (targeting Michigan and Pennsylvania voters, assuming the ticket is safe in New York and Illinois), grilled cheese or bratwurst & sauerkraut, if Wisconsin is in play, plus all kinds of other ethnic touchstones, like a gyro to court the Greek vote, or a cuban sandwich to help carry Florida. Opportunities abound!
So, Mr. President, please demonstrate to everyone you understand the vital role of sandwich selection in bolstering what politicos now call “voter mobilization”. I think SPAM is a political winner. At a minimum, fried semi-crisp, with swiss cheese, mustard, and mayo on a kaiser roll… it makes a truly delicious lunch.
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