Early this week, my sister and I stood looking at a low-lying, long-neglected wire fence we knew well as children. It’s the “creek fence,” (pronounced “crick”) and often we were tasked with catapulting organic detritus, like chicken bones, over the fence, into nature.
The two of us recalled six decades ago, when a younger brother, maybe age four, remained in the car while Mom reentered the house to fetch a forgotten item. Evidentially, the car wasn’t in “park” and began rolling slowly down a slight decline toward the fence, after which the descent becomes quite abrupt. Gaining momentum, the car hit the fence; magically, miraculously, rusty wires held… God with us.
My transition: This fence is a bit like our country’s jurisprudence system, prompting me to write about the federal employee who threw a sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection agent.
In early November, Sean Charles Dunn was found not guilty of assault. Mr. Dunn was tried in federal court for a misdemeanor, charged with “assaulting, resisting, or impeding officers and employees of the U.S.” Options for charging Mr. Dunn included assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating, and/or interfering with a federal officer. Apparently, someone decided to pick three… and proceed.
Several things about this episode captured my interest. I, too, will pick three and proceed.
I saw how the news media a) referred to the incident; AND b) how they referred to the perpetrator. Minimal google-scrolling led to an array of verbs – you already know my love of words – describing how the “weapon” went from Mr. Dunn’s hands before landing in federal court, in alpha order: chucking, flinging, hurling, launching, slinging, throwing (most common), tossing, wielding, and winging. (No catapulting.)
Some descriptions were quite expressive. For example, “…winding up his arm and sending a wilting Subway sandwich into (an) armored vest plate.” Some focused on velocity, “throwing a sandwich… (and) throwing it hard.” Others employed alliteration, “hurling a hoagie,” and “slung a sub.”
There was a classy approach, in French, “l’affaire de sandwich,” and a more detailed style, “transforming his turkey sub into a projectile,” and “flinging deli meat on a soft baguette.” Dramatic accounts, “a sandwich thrown at point-blank range” and “an execution-style sandwich hit,” the latter, an attempt at humor.
My favorite, from Mr. Dunn’s defense, “an exclamation mark at the end of a verbal outburst,” suggesting a blackened baguette above a darkened projectile hole, forming an exclamation point.
As for what to call Mr. Dunn, I found: “the Sandwich Guy” (most common), “the Sandwich Hurler,” “the man who pitched a sandwich,” “the DC Sandwich Thrower,” plus references to “someone with strong opinions,” “a 37-year-old Air Force veteran,” “a local folk hero,” “a symbol of resistance,” and, receiving points for both alliteration AND humor,“a hero, not a hoagie.”
Ah, and now my third selection? The stunning ineptitude of the Justice Department in taking this case to trial and across the board. Almost every day, we learn about yet another (again, pick three) absurd, laughable, irresponsible, silly, baloney, profoundly unserious, nonsensical, extraordinary overreach, waste of time and money… example – of what? A misguided effort to score political points?
This might explain why a twenty-person, armed SWAT team arrested Mr. Dunn at his apartment, even after he volunteered to surrender. Oh, and the administration quickly released a video of the arrest, filmed from multiple angles, accompanied by a heavy metal soundtrack.
More on recent legal shortcomings, from David French, opinion columnist for the New York Times. “I was a litigator for 21 years, and… never witnessed the level of legal incompetence we are witnessing from the Trump administration. Just when I thought we were reaching peak legal incompetence, I read (cases) that made me realize levels of legal buffoonery exist that I find hard to imagine. … Trump team’s lies, distortions, and shortcuts are causing problems in case after case after case after case.”
Mr. French’s next point calls to mind a rather sad-looking fence. “Trumpist incompetence is also a mercy to America. So long as America’s judges retain their independence, they can and will swat aside his worst arguments and block his worst actions.”
Let’s hope this wobbly fence holds.
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My column, entitled “Showing Up,” is published weekly in the Nora Springs - Rockford Register. I’m also pleased to be part of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative… click on the link to see a list of the talented people who make up this innovative collaboration. I always welcome your feedback and, yes, if you haven’t already become a subscriber, I’d be thrilled if you took this next step. Thanks! —KM