Friendship is one of life’s greatest blessings.
It took me decades to reach this conclusion. Oh, I’ve always had friends, colleagues, classmates, mentors, etc. who I’ve enjoyed. And growing up in rural Iowa, it was a major benefit to have five siblings, an accessible coterie to engage in group activities. But that’s family.
My topic today is having relationships you revel in, generally rooted in shared interests and experiences, a similar worldview, enough of life’s common “scaffolding” to support an ongoing, vital connection. I’ve benefited from more friendships than I deserve and have written about it before, believing in the last quarter of life (I’m now either late third or early fourth quarter) the only rival to the joy and satisfaction derived from family is the joy and satisfaction of friends.
Those with BOTH family and friends, are doubly fortunate. Many reading this fall into one of these categories for me. I hope you know, although undoubtedly not expressed adequately or often enough, the great warmth I feel toward you.
Let me bring greater focus to this ramble by telling you about one special relationship, my friendship with Jim, retired educational administrator. Jim is solidly in fourth quarter, but in most respects, still fresh as, hmmm, maybe mid-second… having been in the game and worked out the kinks. His perspective on life, his thoughtful rumination, his wisdom borne of experience, and his first-rate classiness are all simply without peer among my other friends.
What brings Jim to mind is our lunch several weeks ago. I mentioned accompanying Paula to Columbus, Ohio for her meetings. I had one appointment: lunch with Jim, a Columbus-area resident. We first met through Americans for Democratic Action (ADA), an organization I’ve been involved with for a decade, Jim since 1966, a milepost of six decades next year.
At lunch, we covered our shared interest in durable ADA and its long-term course. We also discussed life in general, our lives in specific, and our country’s future direction. We smiled and sighed about a story he told several years ago, when he and his high school and college classmate, Marion Barry (former mayor of Washington DC) were told a fishing lake in Indiana they traveled to from Chicago was strictly off-limits. Evidently, their skin was the wrong color to wet a line in that particular body of water.
“Can you believe it,” Jim asked, incredulously. “1958… in a NORTHERN state?” Our sighs reflected both sadness and poignancy.
Our relationship is valuable to me for multiple reasons. First, Jim is a mentor: steady, kind, overwhelmingly affirming, always biased toward assuming the long view. Second, Jim is expressive and outspoken, not shy about sharing conclusions he’s reached, avoiding any need to guess. Despite my Scandinavian DNA, I regard this as a virtue. Finally, Jim is outbound, ever willing to take the initiative – to make the call, to send the email, to both serve and return volley, essential in any relationship. These traits have helped sustain our friendship, qualities I seek to emulate.
After our rather languorous lunch, Paula and I flew home that evening. Upon arrival, I opened an email from Jim, subject: “treats better than ice cream,” shared here (with minimal edits) to demonstrate several of the traits noted above.
“Dear Kurt, I hope Paula and you are home and safe. Kurt, I want to thank you for triple treats today. First, your visit to Columbus and our delightful time together were memorable and deeply appreciated. You are a wonderful conversationalist, keen listener, understanding and supportive friend,* and all else I said about you at the ADA Awards tribute. Second, minutes ago, I read your latest column, (about coal) which was on target. Third, reflecting on today and earlier times with you, I realize more than ever, how blessed I am to have you as a dear friend. My heartfelt thanks for all these and other treats. With warm regards and best wishes. Most sincerely, Jim”
My response: “Your note brought a smile to my soul. It is truly wonderful to have dear friends. … Better than ice cream, indeed!”
What more need be said?
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*Pure projection, HIS qualities much more than MINE. Jim is mentoring me here by appealing to my aspirations.
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I’m pleased to be part of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative. My talented colleagues: